“If it be a sin to covet honor, I am the most offending soul.”  ~William Shakespeare

There are few things that we have in this life that are stapled to us, that follow us, that defines us. Our character says everything about us, and those who know us can define our character without being asked. If they are asked, then the definition becomes emphatic. Character under fire is where we are defined. If you find yourself in that position, all the time that you spent doing the right thing, that builds a trust “savings” in who you are to others. It’s relational capital.

I reflect on the story of Daniel; yes, the one who was thrown in the lion’s den. How did he get there? Was it something he did wrong? Was it something that he was caught doing? It was because of who he was. Because of his character. When the edict came down that no one was to worship anyone else but the king for 30 days, it was because so many were trying to get rid of Daniel. Daniel had done nothing wrong, it was just his character to do what was right. In fact, those conspiring against him knew his schedule to be so devout to God that they knew when they could catch him.

What did Daniel do? What did you do? What did I do?

Daniel was targeted even though God held him in such high regard; even though so many held him in high regard. So, why should we find it surprising when we are attacked? Why did I find it surprising when I was attacked? There are those that would want to see us fail. John 10:10 tells us that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. So, we shouldn’t find it surprising.

So how do we respond?

With our life, character, and honor…and our FAITH. That was Daniel’s answer. Daniel answered on his knees. He answered in prayer. When the king had to throw him into  the lion’s den, he knew he had to check on him. He asked Daniel if the Lord had delivered him, and Daniel told him the angel had shut the lion’s mouth!

Often, we find ourselves in the lion’s den. Often, we wonder if there’s a way out. We wonder why we’re there to begin with. The answer may not be black and white. The answer may be in the growth process that God is taking us through…

James 1:2-3 says to “”²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”

The things we learn we can conquer come during these times. When we are under fire, we are reminded that the hottest fire makes the strongest steel!

It’s not always that you did something wrong, but we are often being trained to be a stronger us… It’s a new upgraded version of ourselves.

So, how do we respond? How do I respond? I respond by leaning heavily on my Lord. He is the one that makes me a vic-tor and not a vic-tim.

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If you read Part I of this series, you know that we looked at what happens when a man refuses his responsibility at home, and what the awful consequences can be when that happens. We looked briefly at what the reverse of that would be. Given the statistics themselves, it was pretty easy to see where we would end up. That’s at home. Now, I want to go into what it would look like if men stepped up when it comes to being leaders.

I suppose I must first define “leader.” John Maxwell defines leadership as “influence. “ So, here is the hard part for most men. To influence someone, you must first have a relationship with them. “Bossing” is not influence. Demanding is not influence. But, when I have a working relationship with someone, I also have influence. It may be they would take my advice on a particular book to order on Amazon or a song to buy on iTunes. It may be that they take up a practice that I recommend. Or, they may even start a whole new lifestyle. Either way, they will only try it if they trust me and know me.

Why is this so hard for men? We aren’t very good at being open to relationships. In fact, other than our best friend and our wife or girlfriend, we don’t exactly open up to anyone. When it comes to people at work, we certainly aren’t comfortable with it; and to those who report to us? No way. So influence can be a foreign concept to the average man. To a leader, it is a staple. A boss will only get partial compliance from an employee because they must do it. A leader will get better results because they employee wants to do it, and do it well. There is more “skin in the game” when they commit to performing.

If you’re not at work, you can still step up as a leader. You can be a leader anywhere you are really. You can be a leader at home. That sounds obvious, but many men stop leading when they walk through the door. In fact, they become quite the opposite. They park on the couch or the recliner, and they either become the boss or the silent partner. Neither works well. I’ve been there. For years, I came home and was the silent partner. I just let whatever happens-happen. I was reactive. I didn’t look ahead, and I certainly wasn’t looking at what mattered the most; influence.  I wasn’t working on relationships with my wife or my kids. I was too busy looking at the accomplishments of where I was and where I wanted to go. Those years are still the greatest regrets I have. I lost some time, but I’m determined to make them up.

What about you? Have you lost some time? Have you lost some influence? Do you find that your family or your employees only do things grudgingly? Do they do it half-way because you are “making them do it?” Then invest some time. Talk. Build or rebuild that relationship. What will it take to find the influence? An investment. But it’s worth it. You’ll get more return out of that than you will working on anything else.

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I’ve been asked why it is so important for men to step up and be the leaders they are called to be. It’s become too easy to be as passive as possible, and not worry about the hard decisions that come with leadership. So why is it so important? Why should we be the ones to make those calls? I’m glad you asked.

Recently, the National Fatherhood Initiative published the latest findings and statistics in relation to the effects of fatherless homes. Usually, I’m one who is pretty skeptical when it comes to numbers because I’ve seen how they can be manipulated. However, these numbers pretty much stand alone on their own merit. The devastating collateral that comes from men shirking their responsibility is unfathomable. Here are just a few of the statistics they provide.

• Even after controlling for income, youths in father-absent households still had significantly higher odds of incarceration than those in mother-father families. Youths who never had a father in the household experienced the highest odds.
• In a study of 6,500 children from the ADDHEALTH database, father closeness was negatively correlated with the number of a child’s friends who smoke, drink, and smoke marijuana. Closeness was also correlated with a child’s use of alcohol, cigarettes, and hard drugs and was connected to family structure. Intact families ranked higher on father closeness than single-parent families.
• Father involvement in schools is associated with the higher likelihood of a student getting mostly A’s. This was true for fathers in biological parent families, for stepfathers, and for fathers heading single-parent families.
• Children in father-absent homes are almost four times more likely to be poor. In 2011, 12 percent of children in married-couple families were living in poverty, compared to 44 percent of children in mother-only families.

Guys, that’s just the beginning.

Now, I’m going to kick you in the gut.

Further statistics show that fatherless homes have an impact that no one would want to claim. Wayne Parker published an article in About.com in which he unpacked some of these vital statistics.

•    63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
•    71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes
•    70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes
•    Boys who grow up in father-absent homes are more likely that those in father-present homes to have trouble establishing appropriate sex roles and gender identity
•   The likelihood that a young male will engage in criminal activity doubles if he is raised without a father and triples if he lives in a neighborhood with a high concentration of single-parent families.

Can you imagine? We have the ability to change all of that. Maybe you’re single and you just thought, “I can’t do anything about that.” Sure, not unless you go get married and have a few kids. But, you can mentor. You take a kid under your wing and teach him or her about life. There will be more about that in Part II.

Men, if we want to change society, quite simply, we have to be present. I don’t mean just physically, but you have to be present. You have to be there mentally. It does no good to be physically there and totally ignore those who love you.

Imagine the turn, the change, and the transformation in society if we started doing just doing our job. Do you think transformation is the wrong word? No, no it’s not. A butterfly cannot become a caterpillar again. Once it is transformed, it something totally different.

That should be a direct result of men engaging those we love.

And guys, I want you to hear this…

It’s not too late.

What are your thoughts? Do you agree? What do you think society would be like if men stepped up? I’ll be preparing for Part II. What would you like to read about in regard to this subject? Let me know!

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I’m going to try real hard not to step on toes today. That’s not to say that I won’t. Actually, if God leads me to step on a toe, please realize that I’m doing this out of love, and not to be spiteful or hateful. I’m going to point out a few things that need to change when it comes to the church and the men who should be leading inside it. Men have a specific calling, and I want to make sure that we realize just what that is.

1.      Step Up and Be Counted. It’s amazing to me that when I look at the landscape as it stands in many places and see just how obvious our absence truly is. Nothing speaks louder than our silence. In a time such as this, when we need leadership and guidance, those most qualified in many cases are not to be found. It’s time for the men to step into the gap where there is no one and be used, be activated, be involved, and be invested. How can we look at the obvious needs and assume that someone else is supposed to step into that role? Hear me; if you see the need, God gave you the vision to see it. He put it out there for you to notice. It’s no coincidence. It’s not a passing gesture or thought. That’s God putting that issue on your heart and your mind. He wants you to see something and do something.

Have you noticed that those who volunteer the most seem to be the women in the church? Or have you noticed that the most active participants in any church function are the women? Why? Why is that? Why are the men inactivated and unmotivated? Often it can actually be what the church actually offers men to do. Aside from asking them to work in the parking lot or to set up chairs, what else are they asked to do? What roles are they recruited into? Is it the youth? Is it in the nursery? Is it greeting? Here’s a thought; if there’s nothing there for the men to do, make a suggestion. What is it that stirs you? What is it that you’d actually want to do if the opportunity was presented? Suggest it! I can’t imagine many, if any, pastors who would be dismissive of the requests from men who wanted to be involved.

 2.      Create Events They Want to Attend. Here’s where we have to be creative. It’s also where tend to use the least amount of brainpower. What kind of events does your church generally have for the men? Let me guess…the men’s breakfast? This long-standing staple of men gathering for breakfast one Saturday a month has been going on longer than Gilligan’s Island reruns. Does it get the men activated and involved? Probably not. It only motivates a group of them cook, and the other group to eat. Sure, there’s a message and or devotional time. I’m not discounting how God can move in that time frame. He is certainly capable of working miracles, and He does. But, let me ask you this; is this breakfast for those who are already in the church? How many new people show up to the breakfast because they heard someone at work talking about it? How many show up because they are a HUGE fan of breakfast? I mean, they have a breakfast burrito hoodie and a fried egg tattoo on their shoulder. Seriously? What is it that you like? What would you show up to and be excited about being there? Football game? Gun show? Demolition? You know what gets you going. You also probably know a few other buddies who like it, too. What if the church sponsored something like that? What if you were able to invite your buddies because of this event, and know that they would think it was stinkin’ awesome?

What if they realized that the men at the church could rock? They could be normal guys like you who dig something and dig God at the same time? They were afraid of showing up at the breakfast and having to hold hands and sing a song they didn’t know. But, they could tell you everything there is to know about 47 different guns. Guys you don’t know would want to come to it. That makes some people nervous. Good. They shouldn’t be comfortable, but always stretching and striving to reach those who need it.

Jesus, in the book of Matthew, was in this very scenario.

 Later when Jesus was eating supper at Matthew’s house with his close followers, a lot of disreputable characters came and joined them. When the Pharisees saw him keeping this kind of company, they had a fit, and lit into Jesus’ followers. “What kind of example is this from your Teacher, acting cozy with crooks and riffraff?”

Jesus, overhearing, shot back, “Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? Go figure out what this Scripture means: ‘I’m after mercy, not religion.’ I’m here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders.” (Matthew 9:11-13 The Message)

 3.      Keep Them Involved. It’s one thing to get the men to the event; it’s another thing to get them to come back, to look for more. If they see the event was a farce, or if it feels forced, they can tell. You have to give them something to come back for, something to pursue. What is it that the men in your area, the guys around you, deal with daily? Do they have anger management issues? Road rage? There’s a class for that. Are they having trouble figuring out their wife? Yeah, a lot of us do. There’s a class for that. Are they working shift work, and they can’t figure out how to be the dad they’re supposed to be? There’s a class for that. Meet these men where they are. Meet them with what matters to them! Advanced Bible Studies 101 and 102 is not going to get them come back. They aren’t interested in Basic Bible 1. But offer a class on how to spend more time with your kids and teach them how to fish, and I’m there. Bob’s there. I bet Larry would like that one. Offer a class that teaches how to be a better husband and date ideas while working shift work, and I know a couple of guys who were just talking about that the other day. We have to meet our guys were they are. It’s what Paul spoke of in 1 Corinthians.

Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized—whoever. I didn’t take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ—but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I’ve become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn’t just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it! (1 Corinthians 9:19-23 The Message)

What do you think? What events would you want to go to even if it were at a church? Where are some places that a church could schedule an event away from the church? What do your buddies want to know more about? What would get them interested? What have you seen that’s already working?

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All too often I have seen a lack of leadership leave people and organizations frozen, unable to act, and eventually failing. I’ve seen it, you’ve seen it, and we will continue to see it. Unfortunately, that is an issue that we are facing head-on today.

I usually don’t talk politics in my blog. When I do, it’s usually just a summary of a recent event. However, today, I have to raise issue with just that; the lack of leadership. I’m not even going to discuss political parties in particular. I don’t want to get into the whole debate. I want to look at it holistically and non-biased. Today will be just about leadership.

This Friday, we face a mini-crisis called sequestration. This is simply a series of budget cuts that are automatically triggered due to the lack of action on the part of the government. If you want to read more about sequestration, you can read the Budget Control Act of 2011. In this Act, the government is required to cut approximately $85 billion from the budget immediately. That sounds huge. It sounds like progress. It isn’t. That’s $85 billion from $16 trillion. Translation? A drop in the ocean.

Every political side is currently blaming the other. That’s not news. That’s not news-worthy. What is at risk in this high-stake gamble is of no consequence to either party, but rather to those who put them there. If you are like me, you’re tired of it all. You’re sick of the rhetoric. Here’s what we need:

We need someone to step into the gap to make something happen. This person has to be a leader that can get something from both sides. We need a leader. I have seen nothing at this point that would lead me to label anyone in our current political stable as a leader. When was the last time we were this divided as a country? When was the last time that we so polar opposite on so many things? Where is the leader we are looking for to get something done? That’s the question. We can skirt around it and blame each group for lack of cooperation. That’s fine, but it does nothing.

What does all this mean to the common man? It’s like not having a household budget, and having one spouse always spending the money, and the other spouse wanting to keep the money. It’s one spouse blaming the other, and finger-pointing is common place. The home begins to crumble from within, and all because there’s no leadership, no plan, no one to stand in the gap and be willing to make the changes or take action. Each spouse has their family on their side explaining why it’s not his or her fault. The result is havoc, hurt, and usually divorce. In the bigger picture, we can’t just divorce our country.

We can, however, change them. It’s time to demand that our leaders actually lead.  It’s not time to plan for re-election; it’s not time to posture for gain. It’s time to represent the people. It’s time to take action. It’s time to lead.

We don’t have that currently. Sure, you might be able to name one or two people who you think are representing a particular group. Has that changed anything?  Have they stepped up and brought a solution to all people? Have they managed to bring a bipartisan answer?

Let me answer my own question; no. No they haven’t.

It’s time to pray.

What do we do? In a moment like this, we have to ask the right questions. What do you plan to do? What’s the answer? I’m not looking for what party should do what. I’m looking for a leadership answer. Do you have one?

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