One of the hardest things for a man is trying to figure out how to both love and lead his family. If you’re like me, it’s easy to lead at work. I say it’s easy because I don’t categorize my relationships at work under “love.” It’s easy to be the leader, make the hard decisions, and confront those people at work because generally there’s not that emotional tie that makes it difficult. We are called to be leaders. The problem is, we are supposed to do it at home, too. How do we do that? How do we love them and lead them? Here are a few ideas.

1. Lead your family as if you were leading your business. That sounds strange, doesn’t it? Think about it. The goal at work is to perform at a level and lead in a way that is beneficial to the business. You want to be successful. You make the decisions that you realize are best for the company. You work at it and make changes where they are needed. If you perform poorly, there are consequences. It’s the same at home, guys.

We are expected to do the same thing when we get home. I know you’re tired. I know you view your house as your escape from work. This isn’t about work. This is about how we are to perform and live. I want my family to be successful. I want them all to succeed. I have to make decisions and perform at a level that assures that will happen. I have to make changes when changes are needed. I have to make the change. I have to lead. Even if my kids don’t like it, sometimes as the leader, my decisions aren’t always popular. Even if they’re right. Here’s the hard truth: If I perform poorly, the consequences are life-long. I don’t lose my job and go find another one with a fresh start. Instead, my kids grow up making poor decisions. They wonder where they belong and who they are supposed to be. My wife wonders where she ranks in my priorities. My family becomes my acquaintences, and then life begins to spiral. It doesn’t just affect me, if affects those closest to me for the rest of their lives.

 2. Watch the bottom line. Yes, financially, we must lead as well. Just as you have to make sure that what you do financially is beneficial for the company, your decisions at home must be financially sound as well. What is it that you have to be responsible for at work? You may think that you have none. You may even believe that you don’t have any impact on the “books.” That’s simply not true. How you perform has a tremendous impact on the company. If you are constantly goofing off, taking breaks, multiple smoke breaks, long lunches, and spending more time devoted to Facebook than to what you’re being paid to do, then you are a financially liability to the company.

At home you have the same responsibility. Your decisions impact your family more than you could ever know. Often, your money could be telling your family message. It may tell them what is more important to you in your life. That new boat/truck/car/computer/etc may tell the wrong story. If your family is struggling, if they are trying to figure out who they are and what’s important, they need only look at that new purchase. It may not say that the purchase is more important, but that your needs are. You have the job of making sure the bills are paid. Your wife and your kids should not have to worry about food, shelter, clothing, or transportation. That’s your job. If your wife needs a better car, if your kid needs braces, if someone needs glasses, but they can’t get them because you’re saving up for something else, or because the payments on some purchase prevents you from providing, then you need to sell it.

3. Pray that you would learn how to love and lead better. If there’s one thing that men don’t like to do, me included, is to look deep inside and pick out a weakness and then pray for it. This is one of those areas. Make it a habit to pray for wisdom in how to be a better leader at home and how to love your family. I try to make it a daily prayer. I want to be a better husband, a better dad. How else do I get there? I can read a book that will give me knowledge, but it doesn’t change who I am. Prayer changes who I am.

Perry Noble said, “Information does not lead to transformation. Application leads to transformation.” That’s what I believe as well. If I pray to change, I will change. If I commit to praying, I will change. I need to be the man that God designed me to be! If I try to be something else, I’m fighting a stupid battle. I was created to be something special. I was created to love and lead my family.

Category: Calling, Legacy, Success, Uncategorized, Work
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If “legacy” is what I want to leave behind me when I’m gone, then I have to know what that is, and then I have to know how to do it. I think we all know what we want our legacy to be if we stop to think about it. Maybe it’s to be different that the legacy you are walking in and through from your family’s history. Maybe you’re struggling to be your own man and not necessarily your dad, your grandfather, or anyone else. Or perhaps your desire is to leave a legacy similar to what I described in parts I and II of this series. Either way, if you have not done it yet, take some time to define your legacy. After you have done that, you’ll want to move on to next steps.

Let’s look at how to live a life worthy of the legacy you want to leave.

• Work on your relationships, but begin with God. All the relationships you have are important. In fact, many of them dictate your daily life’s activities. However, none of them measure up to the importance of your relationship with Jesus. That is the foundation of who we are. He created us, shaped us, and has a plan for us, so our relationship to Him is what helps us be the men we are called to be. Isaiah 64:8 says, “We are the clay, and You are the Potter. We are all formed by Your hands.” It’s so amazing to know that we have a purpose here. We’re never sure what that is, I don’t believe, until it’s revealed by the Creator. Then, once we have figured that out, we can focus on Him, how to serve, and then how to love and serve our other relationships. Believe me, you’ll love your wife better, you’ll be a better dad, you’ll be a better friend and an even better leader.
• “Wherever you are- be all there.” Jim Elliot spoke those words, but you and I need to repeat them. Here’s something that hit me hard. I cannot fully invest in my wife, my kids, or any other relationship that matters if I’m not fully there. I can’t give her half my attention and expect to get full results. I can’t give my kids half my attention and expect them to respect me and grow fully. It’s too easy today to be distracted. Yes, I have an iPhone. Yes, it’s a distraction. I have to do better at putting it away and being fully there. I’ve gotten much better. When I first got a Palm Treo and then a Blackberry, I was worthless. I was a kid with a new toy. Today, I can still be a kid with a toy, but too often I’m the boss with the email. Does that sound familiar? Think of how many times you have checked email, Facebook, Twitter, or whatever (your wife will probably say Pinterest). If you took that time and invested in one of your relationships, what would it look like?
• Always strive to be a man of integrity. What does that take? It takes a life of discipline and authenticity. You’ve heard this definition before, but integrity is who you are when no one is looking. It’s important to do the right things because they are the right things to do. I have to be authentic with that. I have to be the same person I project to be. It would be a shame for me to have an impecable public or work image, but have my wife not respect me because of my behavior away from public scrutiny. How could I expect praise if my kids didn’t know who I truly was or what I stood for? As harsh as this sounds, this is hard for us men. We are wired to work, to show our worth, to be competitive, to rise to the top, to be the best. There’s nothing wrong with that if we define what we are trying to be the best at.

Where are you today? What are you doing to leave the legacy you have defined in your head? Do others know it? Would they agree or would they scoff at the thought? Here’s the good news. You can start today. Regardless of where you are, you can start new. Your destination is not determined by your past, but by your direction. If you are off course, make it right. Change direction. If you are lost, ask for directions. But most importantly, ACT. Act today. Don’t wait. Define it, be determined, and attack it as you attack anything else. Only this time, it’s worth it.

Category: Calling, Friends, Integrity, Kids, Legacy, Marriage, Stand Up, Success, Time, Uncategorized, Work
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Sometimes it’s a good reminder that it doesn’t have to be a huge event for God to get our attention. Even when we would love to hear from the burning bush, or like Daniel to be able to see God writing on the wall; sometimes God just wants to tell us something big through something small.

This morning I woke up early. Not on purpose. I usually wake up early, but today I woke up before my alarm and I wasn’t sure why, nor was I truly excited about getting up that early. As I laid there wondering what song I had programmed to come on for my alarm, I remembered that I had put clothes in the washer before I went to bed. “Ah ha!” I thought. That’s why I woke up so early.

I made my way through the darkness, walking slowing, toes curled under. See, I’ve learned that if there’s something out there, my toes will find it first. That’s when I heard the beeping. It didn’t make sense at first because I knew there wasn’t a truck backing up in the kitchen or the laundry room. When I opened the door and turned on the light, I saw the washer with all the lights blinking, and the digital beeping to let me know (further) that something was amiss. I lifted the lid to find a lot of water and floating clothes. I tried a couple of times to reset it, and even unplugged it. I plugged it back in and tried again. That didn’t work. I tried the same process again, convinced that repetition was surely the key. Again, failure to launch. Just blinking lights and nothing.

I gave up. I started the dryer again for some other items and went to work on starting my scan on my wife’s computer for the virus that’s trying to invade her email. I started that scan, then realized the time was getting late. I pulled out my Bible and journal, took a deep breath, and thought about the washer. Ugh. I thought about the computer scan. Seriously?

I prayed. “God, I need to hear from you this morning. I need to focus. But, I’m struggling. Help me to block out the washer, the dryer, the computer, everything, and allow me to hear from you… (pause), but if you’d like to fix the washer, that would be awesome.”

Pause…Pause…”Click.” Did I just hear a click? Seriously? Two seconds, and I know I heard a click. Was that the sound of water? It was. The water was draining; the washer was alive! In that moment, I was in awe. Not because the washer started working, but because I realized that God woke me up this morning to show me something. Even in the small things, He cares. I love that He loves us that way.

I wasn’t excited about getting up early, or the thought about the washer not working, or anything else that looked like was going to be a challenge today. But I wouldn’t change it for anything right now. He loves us…even in the small things.

Psalm 86:15
15 But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

Category: Marriage, Time, Uncategorized
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Some will say that women are a mystery. Some will say that they are simply a puzzle to be solved. Those men that say they have figured women out are lying.

Today marks the day that 8 years ago I married my best friend, and I had hoped that in those 8 years I would have had her figured out by now. I was wrong! I no more have her figured out now than I did back then. But, I have learned a few things on this journey.

I have learned what many of you are hopefully learning; that I learn more about her every year, every day.

To those of you who have stopped learning about the woman in your life, begin again. You don’t know everything about her, whether you have been together for a year or 30 years (though at that point, you should be close!).

You see, women are a mystery. My wife, Mandie, is a mystery. And one of the biggest thrills of my life is trying to figure her out. Sure, sometimes it is frustrating. But you know what, it’s also a challenge. This challenge isn’t just about getting to the end game of solving the puzzle, it’s a challenge to see just how much I can learn about her, and man, that makes me love her even more.

Here’s my tip for today: Spend time. Invest time. Take your wife, your girlfriend, your fiancée out on a date. Take her somewhere that you can—get this—talk. Don’t take her to the movies, don’t take her to the loud restaurant, and don’t take her to a sporting event. All that stuff is for another time. No, this time, take her where you can find out who she is, who she wants to be, and how you can help her get there.

Just like being a good leader, your job is to invest in her and help her reach her goals and dreams. This life isn’t just about you and who you think you are supposed to be. She is equal in this relationship, and if you have lost that friendship, spend everything you have to get it back. Because at that point, you have everything to lose.

Mandie, I love you. I know you will read this, because I know that about you. I love you, and thank you for choosing me to be the one to love you the rest of your life.

^“7The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground.” 1 Peter 3:7

 ”⁶ Place me like a seal over your heart,
    like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
    its jealous unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
    like a mighty flame.
⁷ Many waters cannot quench love;
    rivers cannot sweep it away.
If one were to give
    all the wealth of one’s house for love,
    it would be utterly scorned.” Song of Solomon 8: 6-7

Category: Legacy, Marriage, Time
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It has been a while since my last blog. But, new ones are coming soon I promise! We moved, and our Internet provider has been a bit slow in connecting our service!

Until then, I leave you with a thought from this morning’s reading:
1 Peter 4:8-9

“8 Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. 9 Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay.”

There is a stirring around the world right now, and we are under the microscope lenses of the world. Let them see also our great love for each other, even as we celebrate the death of one who killed so many. We will be tested. We, as Christians, will be judged, ridiculed, and mocked. But, Peter tells us that’s not really a problem.

Verse 14 says it this way:

“14 So be happy when you are insulted for being a Christian, for then the glorious Spirit of God rests upon you.”

If that’s what happens, then I can take the insults.

Be prepared my friends. This is a pivotal time.

Category: Stand Up
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